Tips in Creating the Best Vow
Wedding is not just about food server and venue. It is also about exchanging of vows. Long before your wedding day arrives, you’ll need to decide whether you’re a “to love, honor, and obey” kind of couple. The big question: Should you go with traditional vows, write your own, or have the officiant tweak the traditional ones so they’re slightly more modern? It actually depends on your on how you want your vows to be. There’s no right or wrong answer; it’s something you need to figure out as a couple – and, of course, working within the restrictions of your ceremony site and/or officiant. Some people think sharing personally written sentiments in front of a group is sappy or too intimate to share; other get weepy-eyed at the romanticism and poetry of it. Consider these tips for figuring out what vows you want to say:
If you plan to write your own vows, ask the officiant if that’s allowed. If so, set some guidelines. Limit the vows to a predetermined number of word or time frame, say three minutes max, and start drafting your missives early. Experiencing writers block the day before the ceremony isn’t a good feeling. Don’t get hung up on trying to be a poet; look at it as peening a brief message to your soul mate. Whatever you do, don’t pawn off the job on someone else unless you want your first blowout as newlyweds. Set deadline for each of you to have the vows written, say two weeks before the wedding. Set a midterm check-in deadline too. After a few drafts, you may both decide that “in sickness and in health” doesn’t sound so bad after all. Find out if the officiant needs to review the vows in advance and, if so, when he or she needs them.
Oldie but goodie
If writing isn’t your thing, it’s best to just go with vows from the officiant so you don’t have another stress heaped on your shoulders. Ask the officiant to show you the typical vows or the choices in vows. Then set aside an hour to go over the wording on your own. You can strike phrases such as “promise to obey” or others and talk over replacements with the officiants.
Tradition with a twist
Some couples who are blending families include their children in their vows. A groom, for example, may say his vows to the bride, and then turn to the bride’s child to pledge his love and devotion as a stepfather. Conversely, a larger blended family may have children pledging their devotion to the parents and stepparents as a sign that the family is unified.
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